Bra-vo! Taking the Cringe out of First Bras

By: Konika Ray Wong, M.Ed, Founder of Girl Power Science

Let’s talk about bras.

For many kids, getting their first bra can feel like a surprisingly big deal. And for parents, knowing when and how to bring up the subject can feel awkward, too.

I distinctly remember trying to find the courage to ask my mom for my first bra. I rehearsed the question, “When will I get a bra?” in my head over and over again.

Every time the words started to come out of my mouth, my mom was busy doing something, or my brother or dad were around.

My grandma even came over saying she had found a duck egg in the backyard.

I told you I remember every detail!

When I finally asked, my mom took me to JCPenney, and it was such an embarrassing ordeal. If you’ve seen the bra-shopping scene from Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret., it was pretty much like that.

Decades later, I find myself helping kids and their grown-ups navigate these very same conversations.

Taking the cringe out of growing up

One of my favorite things about teaching puberty education is finding ways to take something that can feel awkward and make it feel normal, comfortable, and even fun.

Recently, I created a game I call “Bra-vo!”

The idea came from listening to kids talk about what it's like to start wearing bras. We lay out a fun variety of bras and talk about some of the features kids might encounter: reversible colors, sports bras, soft cups, strapless, and padded versus unpadded styles.

We also talk about something much more important than the style of the bra:

It’s their body and their choice.

There is no “right” age to get a bra. Some kids want one because they like the way it feels or looks. Others want one because their bodies are changing and they want more support. Some kids don't want one at all.

All of those choices are okay.

Why this conversation matters

My students often tell me that other kids comment on whether or not they wear a bra. Some have had other kids lift their shirt or snap their bra strap.

These experiences can be incredibly uncomfortable.

Talking about bras gives us an opportunity to normalize the enormous variation in the timing of puberty. Bodies don't all develop on the same schedule, and there is no “right” way to grow.

It also gives us an opportunity to talk about boundaries.

Nobody gets to touch, comment on, or expose someone else's body without permission. And wearing a bra doesn't make someone's body public property.

These are important conversations, and they don't need to be heavy or scary. Sometimes a little humor and a silly game can make it much easier to get started.

How to play Bra-vo!

Here’s how it works:

Everyone chooses one bra style they like.

The grown-ups guess which style their child picked, and the child guesses which style the grown-up would choose for them.

That's it.

But something magical happens when everyone has a clear task. Instead of sitting across from each other trying to figure out what to say, everyone is looking, choosing, guessing, and laughing.

And suddenly, you're talking about bras.

Without the cringe.

That's the real goal.

The goal isn't to find the “perfect” first bra. It's to make conversations about growing up feel ordinary and comfortable enough that kids know they can come to the adults in their lives with questions.

Because someday, your child may need to ask you something that feels just as awkward as “When will I get a bra?”

I want them to know they can ask.

And I want us grown-ups to be ready to listen.

Want to try Bra-vo! at home?

You could easily play this game yourself by visiting a store together, or even better, browsing online from the comfort of home. The goal isn't to find the “perfect” bra. It’s simply to make the conversation about bras feel normal, comfortable, and fun.

One of our favorite brands is Bleuet, which makes super-soft, comfortable bras designed with tweens and teens in mind. My friend Liz, a fellow mom, runs the small business in Los Angeles, and I love that Bleuet also supports teen changemakers and nonprofits.

Full disclosure: I’m an affiliate, so I earn a small commission when you shop through my link. You can use my code for 15% off.